3/01 I went to the Malaysian restaurant (Mama Kopitiam) for a trial shift, he, the boss Bret, is really a short-tempered person, always staring at everything with a frown. And he was really unsatisfied with my performance. I think I even can’t get paid for it. But their cusine looks really good and hygiene (much better than many chinese restaurants), I really want to try, but they’re really expensive for me.
3/02 I asked that Chinese restaurant (Maya Hotpot) manager again to know if I was still considered an employee and whether there was any chance to work there, as I already gaped over one month and a half. She said she will ask the Boss Eric, but didn’t get back to me. In the midnight, Boss just removed me from the Wechat group (Later I knew he just dismissed the group). I prepared over 50 emails to send to different kindergartens that I can reach on my scooter (within 8km), and I found it (outlook) only allows about 10 emails to be sent per day.
3/03 Not everything is bad, I got an opportunity to be a reliever in a kindergarten in Ellerslie. Amazing, I am so happy! I should have focused on this kind of job from the start instead of wasting time applying to restaurants and other unrelated jobs (And it’s so embarrassing that I only have restaurant work experience in Auckland! I’m an ECE teacher!). But better late than never. I still have a half year to gain more experience before looking for a formal job after graduation. And I found that, no matter those chinese who have obtained PR (Wang Family), those who have been working and studying here for several years (manager Merry), or those who left NZ and really want to come back (Vivi, an older girl I never met in person but sometimes chat with, who worked at the same restaurant as me before. Maybe it’s really tough for her to find a job in China, even if she does, it’s unlikely to pay well–Salaries in China are very low, all business owners will reduce costs by lowering wages), or those who have plenty of free time but never truly dedicate themselves to improve English (Li, Wang’s wife), they all feel limited by their English skills.
3/05 Today the family I lived with had a big quarrel, finally they were fine. And I just thought that, what’s the big difference between animals and children, and adults. Animals and children don’t really reflect on everything. They have emotions and a sense of self, but they don’t fully understand what’s happening, and why, or what’ll come next. But does that mean they can’t learn? Ocs they can, like wolf Green in the documentary, he’s so smart. My English is really bad and I need to do more to improve. I need to read more books, and learn more songs and explore picture books. I need to be a good ECE teacher to support my life in NZ. So many things to do. Looking back, I realize I wasted many time in unrelated work (restaurant) and volunteering everywhere. I rushed into places saying I wanted to be a volunteer. But the truth is, I just wanted to meet people. I didn’t actually need to do it, now I see that. And in doing so, now I have to break some of my promisions I made about being a volunteer.
3/10 Today I went for my second kindergarten interview and signed with them. After that I attended the florist assistant interview, the lady was very nice. But the hour salary was only 15$, before tax. She explained that it was the salary during the 3-m training period. I can learn a lot with her abour being a florist. However, the challenge is that I would need to travel around two malls (another one is really far, 11km) to train with her during weekdays, which is almost impossible for me. And I stayed until she finished work. I went to the nearby Woolworths supermarket to buy a small cake (4 dollars) for my AT, since it was the second time I need her being my referee to listen to the centre’s call. I hadn’t planned for this, so I didn’t bring my bank card. I asked if I could pay with Alipay but they didn’t accept it. I even quickly check if there was a spare bag in the bin bcos I didn’t want to pay for one (I was really crazy as I didn’t work for 2 months) . When I realized I couldn’t pay by now, I pushed my scooter and had already walked some distance, and the indian girl employee called me back. She searched in her backpack, took out a 5-dollar bill, put it in the register, and said, I paid for you, you can take it. I was completely shocked, and grateful, I thanked her several times, and held the cake in the hand. On the way back, the cream on top of the cake got stuck to the inside of the package, and it was hard to hold the cake in one hand the whole way. Even so, I couldn’t stop feeling thrilled by her generosity and kindness. I also reflected on my previous stereotypes and some prejudices about Indian people.
3/11 This morning, before heading to the centre, I bought Devika (my associate teacher) a macaron ($4) from the French Bakery along with yesterday’s small cake. She was happy to receiver them and became noticeably friendlier afterward. No one refuses a gift, no matter where they’re from. During break time, I asked Maria (a teacher in the infants’ room) about a song’s name, thinking she might know, but she had no idea and suggested I ask the one who sang it–Mihiri (strict, bossy, impatient but experienced teacher). I did, I struggled to understand her Indian-accented English. I still didn’t know the answer. Before leaving, she unexpectedly asked me to pick up some printed papers from the printer. It turned out that she printed the song’s lyric out for us (or say for me, bcos other 2 student teachers weren’t even aware of it) . I was shocked and touched. I never expected she to be so thoughtful. I also emailed the centre where I’m going to work as a reliever, and the manager told me they would contact my referee (Devika) once my police vetting report had passed.
3/12 Today I told the centre that our study group at school planned to donate our artwork to them, they were happy to hear it. After all, no one refuses a gift. So this Friday, we’ll visit together and maybe take a photo with the teachers. I still even haven’t checked the assignment. All I know is that, we need to make an artwork, donate it and write a report about the whole process. Each time since it doesn’t seem too serious, I just can’t bring myself to take it seriously. I’m still struggling to manage my meals. I can’t stop eating too much. I’m not visibly overweight. My diet is not healthy. I can’t afford vegetables right now (I usually get expired bread for free) . I’ve been eating bread for all three meals. It’s really unhealthy, anyway I have no choice. I tried to control my appetite, (since bread is basically sugar) , but I failed. Maybe it seems weird to others that I eat amost the same bread every day and still eat so much. Sometimes, I can eat 3-4 pieces of bread i one meal. I can’t figure out why I am always so hungry and hard to feel full enough. I’m too anxious about living costs, about money, stability of my p-t job, about my future. Maybe once I start working in the centre, things will get a little better. In last week’s class, Jannie said she had met some girls who had a good life yet thought about death everyday. At that moment, I thought about myself. But, anyway, I still want to do sth, it’s still too early to die as a loser, I still want to have some different experiences, even though I don’t know why and what for. Some people acknowledge that young ppl today face more stress,while others argue that young ppl today have everything too easy, and are much weaker compared to previous generations. I try hard to learn more about the world in my free time, and figure out my way. I can’t say much right now, I only know that I need money to support my life, I need to work hard and be smart to overcome troubles.
3/13 Today I went to the church’s English class, and choce the medium-level classroom for a different experience. The topic was refugees. There were 2 teachers: Diana, from Australia; Levi, a 23 yo kiwi boy who also speaks Portuguese. I read Yijun Chou’s book about middle-east last week. I thought I could contribute to the discussion. But in reality, I struggled to express myself in English, and couldn’t quite follow their way of speeking. They talked about suburbs in Auckland with large refugee communities, that’s when I learned that Mt Roskill is one of the two main suburbs where many Indian ppl live. No wonder I see so many Indians everyday. They also discussed ways to help refugees settle in Auckland, helping them learn English, find jobs and integrate into communities. (I thought to myself, don’t you know anything about the economic crisis, even more and more locals are losing jobs) . There was an awkward moment when Diana forgot how to spell integrate, she mistakenly said “intergrate” and wrote down both “integrate”, “intergrate”, I said it should be “intergrate”, soon after, others pointed out it was “integrate”. I then searched myself and confirmed they were right. Diana brought up Trump, saying he could be president again bcos Harris only focused on unnecessary things like LGBTQ groups. She also mentioned diffculties immigrants face when starting over in a new country, and asked what strategies we could use to help them. After class, I tried discussing the topic with a Russian old lady, but judging by her expression, that was not a good idea. Around 1pm, when I was about to leave the church, I saw Levi was around the house, I decided to talk to him, bcos he’s studying Theology (it’s rare to see a young man at church, so when I found out his major, I understood why he was there) , a future priest, and he wanted to travel the world to preach. I was curious about what his studies were like. When I mentioned that I want to make friends with local young ppl, he recommended Viola’s Ins to me–a dog lover (an international girl student who used to be a youth group teacher at church) , said maybe she knew many ppl. He also tried to suggest places to meet young ppl, but since he’s new to Auckland (he’s from Thames) , he didn’t know much. I reassured him that it was fine, there’s no need to rush. He told me, that’s how we are, if we know someone needs help, we do sth ab it. He said his mom was a teacher who often did exchange programs in Shanghai, she felt burdened bcos each time she mentioned sth looking nice then others would buy it for her. He said you Chinese were so generous. I laughed, maybe they are only generous to foreigners. He mentioned wanting to buy oyster sauce from an Asian supermarket, so I offered to help. We went to Dahua Supermarket together, chatting the whole way. On the way, He noticed an old building under renovation and asked a man nearby about it. The man said it used to be a church but was now being converted into someone’s home. I asked Levi if he felt that the number of ppl with faith was declining, then I shared with him what Yao had told me, that religion will never disappear. Since I didn’t bring my lock, I had to push my scooter around, so stupid. He bought soy sauce, oyster sauce, dried noodles, and chicken legs, carefully selecting the cheapest option in each category. (Poor student life, maybe he also doesn’t ask his parents for money, he has a student loan, and a supermarket p-t job) . Afterward, I took him to Home Hub, a big Chinese bargain supermarket nearby. He was excited to see so many bargains. We kept talking, about his family, our cooking styles, religion, future plans…Then he went to 2 nearby second-hand shops looking for a DVD player, I walked around with him. Eventually, we waved goodbye. When I got back, I realized it was already 3:30pm. I hadn’t even notice how much time had passed. I was exhausted, I hadn’t sleep well for days. I took a snap and then went to the community centre to volunteer. Penny, a Malaysian lady, another volunteer, invited me to another church where a Singapore priest (a popular preacher on Youtube) was speaking. I didn’t refuse, though I wasn’t interested, I thought maybe it would be fun, but it wasn’t. I just scrolled my phone reading the entire time, waiting for it to end, Penny drove me home afterward. I was really tired, but I didn’t complete daily tasks. Another day of failing to sleep and wake up early. When I lay in bed, I struggled to fall asleep and then realized I had 2 cups of coffee and 1 cup of tea before sleeping today. I spent the whole day running between churches, I aim’t even Christian! Awesome! I should stay away from these ppl! On the way back, Penny said, I thought you’ll become a Christian one day, hah, trust me. I almost said out, hey, don’t curse me! I really dislike religion! It’s useless to the world and a burden to ppl!
3/16 This morning when I was about to start my assignments, a classmate Doris asked if I wanted to have lunch with dumplings at someone’s house she knew. I was tempted by the dumplings. But the place was in West Auckland, which was too far for me. But she mentioned her uncle lived in Mt Roskill as well and could give me a ride. So I quickly got dressed. I even ran into the lady who helped when I got Auckland the second day. The meal was great and I was so full. I also had a long conversation with my classmate about Christian faith. However,I realized that I shouldn’t do that again, that’s so rude to express my doubts about religion to people who have faith.
3/17 Today I received the news that I can start working at the centre soon, finally I can earn money again. I’ve seen a big mouse in the kitchen several times, which makes me very nervous each time I walk through it to the bathroom. Maybe that’s not good for a Chinese to say that, but since anime and JP songs have been a big part of my life for years, I always feel excited whenever I come across them. I wonder if I’ll tear up if I ever visit Jp one day. Even though I know a lot about JP society and don’t like their culture, I really enjoy their artworks. Each time I get distracted by unnecessary things while working on tasks, it’s no wonder I often can’t complete tasks all, I have weak self-control not like Yao. Alas, what can I do.
3/19 Today I finished my second practicum. After the triadic meeting at 2pm, my AT Devika hugged me and said, don’t worry, you’ll be a good teacher. That’s so heartwarming! Around 4pm, she said me I could go now. I was confused, and told her I was supposed to leave at 4:30pm. But she smiled and said, it’s fine, it’s your last day, you can enjoy it. I replied, I enjoy spending time with the children too! It was a rainy day, I also hoped the rain would stop, but it didn’t. Before I left, Devika said, if you ever need any help, just call me. That was so kind. Mihiri also said many thank-yous before she left–she finished earlier than me. And in the staff room, Maria wished me all the best and said, you’re nice. I also told Beth–another student teacher that Maria is really nice. Maria overheard and sighed, everyone says that, except my husband. I said, no way, get a better one. She laughed. Finally, I headed home and was soaked through.
3/20 I felt really annoyed by some Chinese ppl’s behavior in the community kitchen, they act like they can’t live without this meal, though I know it’s not good to judge others and there’s nothing I can do about it. On a brighter note, Penny invited me to her home one day, she’s so nice! Today I went to the centre and signed my contract. Maybe I can start earning money next week! Can’t wait.
3/25 Today I went to the center and started work. Teachers are all nice, they don’t even let me clean the floor. One interesting thing happened, when the handsome young chef was leaving, he got on his motorbike, all the children ran to the fence and yelling, James, James. Like they were his big fans. I was so hesitated about whether to buy a car or not, though I can’t afford one right now. Yestarday I browsed through the Rednotes app and didn’t complete any of the daily tasks. And today I spent so many hours reading chapter 1 the CS English textbook, like a turtle. I doubted whether I should take the CS tutor job or not, I really want to earn more money, but it seems too difficult for me. I asked for a shift trial at a nearby Chinese restaurant tmr noon, and later I received the centre’ work schedule, which I had been concerned about. I asked the restaurant boss if I could reschedule, but he said instantly, you don’t need to come!
3/30 I felt judged while picking up the food box (yestarday I did almost nothing but watch TV) , but on the bright side, I got some minced meat this time. Today I made some stuffed pancakes and meat pies using the chicken mince, the results were beyong my expections. I guess I’m kinda good at cooking.
3/31 It’s gonna be crazy bcos I decided to buy a second-hand electric piano for 180$. I bargained with the seller for a long time since the original price was 220, and she bought it for 299 at the begining. Though I even haven’t received last week’s payment yet.
